Non-sports guy estimates months played per year:
NCAABB 1
NCAAFB weekend
NBA 11
NFL 3
MLB 8
NHL 0

Me when ball is kicked: Bet you $1000 it’s run back for a TD. 

Son: I’ll take that bet.

Worried my 7yo daughter knows something I don’t…

For all I know there are no fish in the tank I’ve been dropping food in for months.

Mom: “Next year Dad turns 50!”

Daughter: “It can also be the year he stops burpin’, slurpin’, and tootin’.”